Fall 2017

This semester is nearly over. We only have three weeks left after Thanksgiving this week! It has been very challenging for me, taking Intro to Library Services and English 203 at the same time, while working two jobs and watching my sweet daughter. I had to register for Spring 2018 last week, and I will be taking Spanish 2 (5 units) and a research literacy class (1 unit) for library tech.

I’ve been struggling with the idea of ceasing my library technician classes for awhile. I am really enjoying the program at Palomar, and I would like to finish it and take on an internship or two. But I also really want to focus on getting my credits for my English major so I can transfer to Cal State San Marcos without having to be at Palomar 3+ years first. Most librarians I’ve talked to seem to be of the mind that I don’t NEED the library technician certificate, but I DO need library experience. So basically, I would graduate faster if I just focus on my major and volunteer at libraries in my “free time” instead of the internship. I still think an internship would look good, so I’m not totally decided, but I do know I’m not taking 7 units of two different writing-heavy classes at the same time again!

There are still so many classes I have to take. Speech, Biology, American Indian Studies (instead of US History), Intermediate Algebra so I can take Statistics, some literature classes, some writing electives like Intro & Intermediate Creative Writing… When I start making the list I get stressed out and feel like I will never finish, so I try not to look at it. But I do need to meet with my counselor again and figure out exactly what all I have left.

I’m so happy I got A’s over the summer. I tanked my library services grade by turning in a bad report when I ran out of time a couple weeks ago. Time management can be so tough. I currently have a B in both my classes, but I want them to be A’s! It doesn’t help that my library professor is the chair of the department, AND my English professor is the director of the writing center. I wanted so badly to impress both of them, but I am just being average.

Over the summer, I was so nervous and stressed out that I told both my professors that I had bipolar disorder. I haven’t broken down and done that this semester, but it may have helped with my report snafu. I know there are mental health services on campus and I could get some kind of note that gives me longer deadlines, but I haven’t wanted to admit that I have a mental disorder. I should consider it, though.

I am going to start volunteering in my daughter’s classroom for Art Class, if the school approves me. I have to get a TB test next week, then fill out a form disclosing my misdemeanor and the reason for it. “Hi, I’m crazy, can I volunteer?” *sigh* My mother offered to pay the fee to expunge my record, which I need to do in order to pass a background check to work with teens/kids at a library. I can’t wait until I can stop explaining my mental breakdown to all sorts of officials, but that may never go away, expungement or not.

I’ve enjoyed both my classes this semester, but have felt particularly drawn to my English class. I guess it’s good that is what I am majoring in. But I also enjoy all the research and information from my Library Services class and have yet to change my mind about becoming a librarian, which is something people seem to keep expecting me to do. No way, man. I’m getting this BA in English/Creative Writing from Cal State San Marcos, then a Master’s of Library & Information Science from San Jose State University. It’s going to happen, assuming I can continue to feed myself and stay in California until I graduate.

I can already feel changes on the horizon. Something within me, restless in my heart, is stirring. I am finally at a time in my life when I can devote myself to school, and my kid, and it feels so good. Some days I long for a place to live, just me and her, where everything is clean and nice and food is on the table. I would love to be able to host people again. But would I be lonely? Perhaps, perhaps I would at that. My roommate and I have such a special relationship. We shall see what happens over the next six months!

Anyway, I thought you could use a break from my essay posts. Hoping to get some words down in my book next semester, since it’ll be the first one where I am NOT taking a writing-heavy class. I want to finish my sci-fi story, I want to finish my bipolar disorder book, I want to get going on publishing. I want it all, right now. But I guess in its own time will work.

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