There are only seven days left in National Blog Posting Month. This has been my first year participating, and I’ve learned a lot about myself and how I write. Writing every day hasn’t been as challenging as I expected, in terms of time. Prioritizing writing feels new and shiny and interesting, and outside of a post or two, I’ve managed to get them all up in a timely fashion. At least I’ve gotten them all up before midnight.
What has been more challenging than I expected has been dealing with the emotional aftermath. I don’t do well with change, and keeping journals all my life has helped me get a lot of those emotions out. But this month I’ve just been pouring everything out for all to see. It isn’t a new thing for me, but I had forgotten how vulnerable it is, to feel so exposed with all of my words left up for the masses.
Part of me is getting bored, honestly, telling all of these personal stories. I am starting to see why some people only post recipes or fitness tips or other topics, while keeping their personal lives hidden as much as possible. But I love most those blogs that are messy and personal and filled with authenticity. If I can’t see you through your blog, I am not interested.
People really seem to enjoy my most personal posts, where I talk about dating or my experiences with my mental illness. Those are the hardest for me to write well, balancing getting truth out and not hurting others, or myself. I try to practice being gentle with myself these days, and a lot of times that means leaving some posts unpublished. Maybe someday.
I do have a few juicy topics left for this last week of posts. I’m planning on being grateful all damned day tomorrow for Thanksgiving, so maybe I will write about gratitude. We will see. It is a strange feeling to start a day without a topic already picked out, but it is kind of nice, too. I can roll into the day and write about whatever I like, instead of picking up something I’ve already been working on.
Writing for myself has proven to be very fulfilling, and I foresee this blog continuing beyond this month. I don’t see myself writing every day on it, but maybe once a week? I have a lot of fiction that I have been actively avoiding working on, but those deadlines are starting to loom as well. It is time to focus and work on my book, too. 2017 will be a good writing year for me, I can feel it already.
Back in my video game design days, I got burned out on writing fantasy. Having to name things and come up with backstories people never saw, and dialogue people never really read, was disheartening. Fun at first, but ultimately soul-killing. Or maybe I just worked too damned much. Now I am just beginning to explore writing fantasy for myself, and it has been an amazing journey.
I have come to accept that I am a writer, at last, and that to be so, I must write. And write I will, until I can no longer see and my fingers can no longer type or hold a pen. I have a lot to say, and I’m not finished yet.