Worn Out: #NaBloPoMo Day 20

I got to sleep in until 7am! Amazing. We are nearly always up by 6am, and it is hard for me to sleep later than that sometimes. I was NEVER a morning person before having my daughter. Having a child changed me in so many ways that I didn’t expect.

I’ve been feeling pretty worn down the past few days. Life is good, just have been tired and a little overstimulated and navigating some tricky passages within my heart. I feel like I could sleep for a week. But I must adult.

My daughter and I are house-sitting this week while she is off of school. Unfortunately, her dad is being sent to work in Long Beach all day on Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. So we are going to try and get our grocery shopping done tomorrow, and I will prep dishes on Wednesday while he is gone, then he can cook his remaining dishes on Thursday while we are drinking mimosas and hosting people. It’ll work out, I think!

I have several blog posts started but unfinished, I’m hoping to have some time to sit down and write today and tomorrow and flesh them out a bit. I just haven’t had it in me to sit down and dig through more memories quite yet.

All I’ve felt like doing this week is playing guitar. I’ve been practicing a lot, and playing with Mr. W a lot. I still suck like a bunch, but it has been fun to follow along songs on YouTube and curse about what bullshit the fingering for an F is. I am fine with being a beginner, and for the first time I can really allow myself to practice without worrying so much about how it sounds as I get together the basics.

Singing while playing guitar is tough, but it is weird and nice having the melody for a change. I’m an alto, and I always played instruments that were bass clef, more complimentary than melody-carrying instruments. So I am used to never having the melody, ever. But now I can! How nice is that?

Also, just before I left to start house-sitting, my record player arrived! It is my mother’s early Christmas present to me. I am so excited. I can’t wait to go home and set it up and try it out. I can start collecting records now! I don’t even have a single record to play on it yet. I know there are some great record shops around town, so I can’t wait to go take a peek at what they have.

I’ve always felt self-conscious in music stores, like an imposter that someone is going to suddenly corner and question over their musical tastes. I hate it when people ask me what kind of music I like. I have no idea. I am working on that. I mean, I know I love goth/industrial, and choral music, and the blues, Motown, all of that. But what else? Having my own space to explore music again on my own has been so magical.

This National Blog Posting Month challenge has been good, but twenty days in it is getting tough. I’m used to having more downtime to replenish between posts. There are only ten days left of the challenge, then I can go back to posting whenever I like. I think that will be more often than before, but certainly not every day! I just keep thinking, I am 2/3s of the way there. I can absolutely do this.

I’ve really enjoyed reading people’s blogs this month, especially ones that touch on personal topics, or mental illness, or politics. There has been a lot of stuff going around that needs calling out, and I just have not had the energy to do it. I’m glad other people are. I’m so proud of the cast of Hamilton for speaking from the heart to Mike Pence.

My heart has always been with the artists and freaks, the rebels and outcasts of society. Their ability to observe society while skating around on the edges of it is amazing. I can only hope to use my voice in such a positive and truthful way to shine a light on hypocrisy.


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